The Birds and The Bees
by squirrel1464
Summary: after an awkward conversation that started out as a bit of a joke, Dick ends up explaining a few things to Damian in a conversation that did not go as planned for him. NOT SLASH. T for talk of sex.


A/N: so, I wrote this at the prodding of my best friend to do a fanfic of Dick telling Damian about the birds and bees, lol. It was fun, I hope I got personalities down right and that people like it. I don't know that it turned out exactly how I had planned it to, but I think I like it, I hope you all do too, and I don't know if this is exactly what you wanted Alexa but I hope you like it either way. I used pretty much ALL of your suggestions, lol.

As a warning I totally abuse italics in this as well, lol. After reading a comic I can't help it, they bold every other word in those things!

P.S. THIS IS NOT SLASH

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Damian marched out of his room, intent on finding a snack, after working subsequently three hours on his latest invention, he needed brain food. In fact, he was starving. As he rounded the corner, approaching the top of the stairs he saw a slight blonde woman walking to the door. She turned to Dick, who was closely following her and gave him an apologetic smile. They said their goodbyes and she turned and disappeared out the front door.

"GAH, I don't know why you even bother with that _whore_." Damian sneered at Dick from his place atop the stairs. Dick spun around in surprise and apparent anger.

"_What_ did you just call her, Damian?" He simply shrugged in return and slid down the banister to the bottom of the stairs to meet Dick. "Stephanie is not a _whore, _she wanted to know if I'd heard anything from Tim lately. She's _worried_." Dick glared at him.

Damian only rolled his eyes and let out his signature "_Tt,"_ turning around and walking towards the kitchen. Dick followed him.

"I'm serious Damian, that's not cool."

"Why not? Who care's if she's worried about the reject? She's still a whore, in my opinion." Damian sauntered over to the fridge, pulling out a few things here and there and grabbing a bag of chips from the counter taking a seat at the table. Dick dropped himself into the opposite chair and stared at him.

"In your opinion? Who else is a whore in _your opinion_?" Dick asked, looking rather unamused. Damian snorted.

"Well, to start with, pretty much every female superhero there ever was." Dick raised his eyebrows.

"Really? Do you even know what a whore _is_ Damian?" He looked rather doubtful, and suddenly slightly amused, which made Damian immediately defensive.

"Duh, who doesn't?" He crossed his arms like the spoiled child he was and Dick smirked.

"I'm thinking _you_ don't."

"Of course I do."

"Then what are they?" Dick asked, taunting him. He figured he'd get irritated and red faced and not want to say, just like your average ten year old boy.

"They're stupid, ugly women who dress slutty." Damian said with a huff, looking all superior. Dick stared at him and raised an eyebrow, stifling a laugh. "What? Why are you laughing?" Dick couldn't hold it in and let out a loud burst. _"What's so funny?" _

"That is _not_ what a whore is." He laughed out. Of course this only made Damian even more angry.

"Then what is it if you're so in-the-know?" Dick's laugh faltered slightly.

"It's…" suddenly he wondered if he should even be explaining this to a ten year old.

"That is what it is, isn't it? You're just trying to make me feel dumb."

"Ah, no…and I don't do that, I'm not an ass."

"Beg to differ." Damian mumbled. "And I don't believe you, if that's not what it is then _tell _me what it is." Dick sighed, why not? Maybe you're average 10 year old did know, not like he'd had much contact with average kids of any kind in his life time.

"A _whore_ is a woman who does…_favors_ for money." Damian stared at him, his arms still crossed.

"_Favors?_ What kind of _favors?_ You totally just made that up." Dick started laughing.

"No, I didn't, they're…" He waved his hands around searching for the right words. "They're _sexual_ favors." Damian blinked, looking slightly uncomfortable. "You know what _that_ means right?" Dick asked, again just joking around.

"_Yes."_ He said rather forcefully. And suddenly Dick felt rather uncomfortable as well. He _didn't_ know what that meant, and he could tell. It occurred to him that at Damian's age and in his circumstances he really would never have had any of this explained to him, nor would he have had the chance to figure it out on his own.

_Oh god_, he thought, _tell me I'm not gonna have to give this kid 'the talk'._

"Damian… you don't know, do you?"

"Yes I do!" He said rather loudly

"Whoa, whoa, cool your jets cowboy, no need to get all defensive, it's not like it's a big deal." Damian gave a pouty face and there was silence. Dick cleared his throat.

"Did your mom ever tell you about…the birds and the bees?"

"I've told you a million times, my mom was never _around_, and what do birds and bees have to do with sexual favors?" Dick frowned, this conversation wasn't going in a direction he liked.

"Damian, the '_birds and the bees' _ is a term referring to… male/female relationships." Not _exactly_ true but…close enough.

"Like…a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship?" Dick nodded, surprised that Damian hadn't jumped to defend his lack of knowledge by pretending he knew more than he did. There was another awkward silence. In which Dick had the time to get up, get a glass of water and come back and sit down. He was mid drink when Damian said "Like… Sex?"

Dick almost choked, coughing rather hard and spraying water all over the hand covering his mouth. Damian's face slowly fell from awkward to slightly irritated, which Dick knew to mean he was feeling like he was being laughed at, which was the last thing he wanted.

"Yes." He finally wheezed when his coughing fit subsided. Damian rolled his eyes, while Dick tapped his fingers on the glass he held.

"Well then I know what that is." He mumbled to himself, looking out the window across the kitchen.

"You do?" Dick said, feeling rather relieved.

"Yeah, I mean, it's what happened with my mother and Bruce right?" Dick blinked, thinking that was probably not the best example.

"Uh,…yeah."

Damian looked rather dejected and Dick wondered if the conversation was over now…

"Then why would men want to _pay_ for it? I mean…my mother had to _trick_ my father into it, and that was to have me." There was another drawn out silence. Dick had no idea what to say to that. He was the adult here, and probably the closest thing Damian had ever had to a father in his life at this point but he was only 25. He wasn't prepared to be a father figure to anyone yet, but he also felt like there were some seriously important things that Damian didn't understand, and he didn't want to leave them for him to figure out on his own.

"Damian…what your mom and Bruce…had...or did...or however you want to put it…wasn't exactly the norm. Most people…enjoy it." He felt _so_ weird having this conversation with him. He was surprised Damian hadn't made a disgusted face and simply gotten up to leave yet.

He did look about as uncomfortable with this as Dick felt, but he also had some things he wanted to know. He'd gotten to a point where he realized that a majority of the things he had grown up feeling and/or _"knowing"_ were greatly warped by the people who technically raised him, if you could call it that, and he wanted to know the truth about things."…Then why did she have to trick him into it? Why didn't he want to?"

"Well…because...it can be complicated Damian…" Dick's face got all screwed up trying to think of the best way to put this without being totally confusing. "Most people, especially men, like sex, and some people will do it with pretty much anyone who will reciprocate their…feelings, if you can call it that, and those people might even be willing to pay for it…" He trailed off, not looking Damian in the face.

"_But_, the majority of people, including Bruce, really only…do it…with people they really care about. It's not something you drug someone into doing, in fact, that's illegal and a pretty big deal." Dick glanced back up and saw Damian resting his chin on one of his hands, picking at a chip in the table and looking still more unhappy. Dick glanced around the room wondering if this was a good time to make an exit.

"My mother…" Dick glanced back up and Damian sighed, "I don't think she even knows how to care about people other than herself." Dick opened his mouth but didn't really know what to say in return.

"…You know…you'll never be like her though right?" Damian looked up and shrugged.

"I used to think I'd be just like my father, but I knew more of my mother than him."

"Don't say stuff like that." Dick waved his hand through the air as if dismissing the thought completely.

"Why? I _was_ just like her when I came here."

"But you're not anymore. I mean, you gave up being what she wanted you to be to come here and save lives. You're obviously nothing like her…and probably a lot more like Bruce than you think." He added the last part as an afterthought, but in reality he thought it was true. Damian perked up just slightly.

"You think so?"

"Definitely, and no one knew Bruce better than I did." Damian nodded and suddenly seemed to get embarrassed, like he just realized how personal this conversation had gotten. His face grew red.

"Not that I care what _you _think." Dick smirked.

"Of course you don't." He took a last sip of water and stood up, feeling satisfied that this conversation was now over, and there were no awkward loose ends left to attend to. "I'm going to go work on the bike now, if you wanna help." Damian looked over and back to the pile of assorted snacks that still lay on the table, untouched, and remembered how hungry he was.

"I'll be down in a few then." He said, stuffing a handful of chips in his mouth.

"Great, I'll be waiting." Dick smirked to himself, as he walked to the secret entrance of the batcave. Maybe they were both completely out of their element with each other, but they got on ok.

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A/N: Hrrrr it's not as good as I had hoped it would be but I hard time with this. I felt like a pervert while writing it xD. Describing a 25 year old man explaining adult themes to a 10 year old boy, a liiiittle bit weird...so it ended up not really being as centered on that part of the story...at all actually, he doesn't ever have to explains ex to him xD. I just felt too weird writing that.

Anyway, I hope you'll review, and tell me what you think!


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